The "Tinder" Top 5

So incase you've been stuck under a rock for the past month, this app called Tinder has been blowing up the iPhone underworld.  Basically, the app uses your location and shows a picture of a girl within 50 miles of you and you anonymously either like her or give her the boot.  Chicks do the same thing, but with pictures of dudes.  So if a guy and a girl end up liking each other, Tinder sets you up in a convo where you can chat about getting together to bang.  The app is fool proof.  Here's a few things I noticed about the app and, ladies, a few tips on getting a like from me.

#5 - Dad Pictures

If your picture is you and your dad...no like from me.  No explanation needed.  I don't care how hot you are, tinder isn't for "daddy's girls."  

#4 - The Group Picture

Group picture = no like.  In this picture, for example, I have a 25% shot that I threw the ugly one a like.  Not a good look for me.  It's either hot or not, I don't gamble.  The odds are never in your favor.

EDIT:  If you have other pictures that are just you and you turn out to be hot, I have no problem with the group pic.

#3 - Bikini Pic

If you're bold enough to be in a bikini, I'm generous enough to toss you a like.  No exceptions.

EDIT:  Exception is fat chicks.

#2 - Age

Anyone 18 and under I will like your picture.  Before you come after me, here's my reasoning.  I'm not saying I'm gonna start a convo with you, but I'm boosting your confidence for future years.  You're welcome.

EDIT:  If your hot and your age says you're 74, you're obviously fake.  I don't know a single 74 year-old who knows how to use an iPhone.  0% shot you're a real person.

#1 - Girls From High School

If I see an old fling or one of the girls from high school who I always looked at but never had the courage to talk to, you get a like.  This one is controversial, but I'm a firm believer in rekindling the flame.  You know me, I know you, let's skip the awkward and come over around 6:30, my dad doesn't get out of work until 8.

PS - I have 17 likes.  Don't tell me I don't know what I'm doing.

Dear Facebook (You Suck)

Dear Facebook,
         Hey it's been a while since I last wrote. I just wanted to let you know that it's for a good reason. You've changed man. You just aren't like you use to be. Things used to be so simple. I could log on look at a few funny pictures, get angry about the girl who complains to much, and meticulously look for spelling errors on friends statuses. I don't understand why you had to conform and try and be "sleek" looking. I don't understand how you could just force adds into everything and just get so consumed by micro managing a fantasy farm. I don't want to be a part of your antics, to be honest...I've been seeing someone on the side...yeah...it's twitter. He just knows what I like. He doesn't make me choose to "allow" things all the time. You've let me down for the last time and NO POKE CAN FIX THIS. I'd call this all off today if it weren't the fact that you have my friends hooked making groups and pages all the time. I don't want to like a musician in order to get his music, WHERE DO YOU GET OFF? Well I just want to let you know I'm better than that and as I sit here staring at my news feed to update, I just want you to know that it's not over between us, I hate what you've become, but I'll deal with it until my real prince charming of the social networks comes along. In the mean time, keep your pregnant girls, parents, and annoying band/event notifications on the low.


        Sincerley,
                One Pissed Off User