The Dark Knight Was Really... OK

It's late, I have work at 6 am tomorrow, I'm drunk, and pissed. So call me a loser, but I just finished watching the newest Batman movie 'The Dark Knight Rises'. I thought it was a cool movie. Not even close to as good as 'The Dark Knight', but either way it was entertaining. But there was a lot of really annoying shit in it that I need to vent:

1. Why can we still not understand what Batman is saying? I found myself laughing so many times during the movie when Batman was talking. When Christian Bale talks in his Batman costume I think he tries to be as ridiculous as possible, there is no other explanation. The voice is such a drunken grunt roughly based around what words might sound like if a 3-month old infant was trying talk. Seriously, we get it you want to disguise your voice. But this is out of hand..

2. Why did that bitch have to ruin everything? So, spoiler alert: Miranda, or Talia Ghul or something like that, is actually the villain in the movie. How bullshit is that? I don't go to a Batman movie to see drama twists of the one's Christian Bale loves to stab him in the ribs in the end. I want to see Batman fight Bane the whole movie. The guy that's supposed to be the badass guy trying to take over the world. When a girl is the villain it sucks. Because a guy fighting a girl sucks. It's boring and makes me feel uncomfortable. Change the movie so Batman and Bane fight in the end, Batman wins, and bangs that chick instead of getting stabbed.

3. Why was the guy that played Bane such a bitch?

SERIOUSLY! I think of Bane and I think such a badass tough guy who wears combat boots and a bulletproof vests and shit. Not some tall, awkward looking dude. I can think of so many better options for who could have played Bane, but for time sake I will just name my #1 suggestion. Brock Lesnar.

There are a million guys you could pick, but how is this guy not on the first phone call for casting?? Brock Lesnar actually kills people for a living, so "pretending" to be evil doesn't seem too hard in that thought. His voice doesn't matter, because they could use any voice they want and just change it on the computer like they did anyway. He has a badass tattoo on his chest, very Bane-like, And his face looks like it needs to be in a mask regardless. I just don't see why this guy didn't get a call.

4. Is batman alive or dead? What is this guessing game bullshit. Initially after I watched the movie I thought thtat Batman survived the 6 mile atom bomb (which is bullshit if he did survive) due to the fact that Alfred saw him in that cafe or whatever. I figured Batman couldn't just die, and they had to have the cliche scene where Alfred's wish from the beginning of the movie was fulfilled. Then a few days later my buddy says that that scene was just Alfred imagining it. And that this new cop guy is going to be the new Batman. A very interesting plot turn, but bullshit. Let me tell you why. The guys name is ROBIN! He was supposed to join Christian Bale from the start, and wear green tights, and slightly help a much more talented superhero achieve greatness.

So anyway the movie was pretty cool. Besides Bane turning out to be a big pussy-whipped bitch to some girl that can jump far, and instead of my huge hopes of Christian Bale getting that Robin guy to be a sick sidekick, I now have to deal with another Batman. Awesome.

P.s. Bane - my team. I know I just knocked on him for being kinda bitchy, but he kicked the shit out of Batman, and if it was realistic he would have just killed him after breaking his back. He only lost to because Batman HAD to win.